The Journey--Obstacles at the Outset

It is often said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Sometimes, especially when looking up a particularly steep hill or down a terrifying cliff face, that first step can be the most difficult.  I have discovered that to be very true this past week for me.

As I begin this journey, there are some initial things that need to happen before I can really get rolling. Some have already been taken care of, others are still pending.
First, I had to find a scale that could handle my girth. After a humbling (and sometimes embarrassing) search, I was able to find an old friend from a past job who had a scale in the mail room. She walked me over there and I stepped on.  So we now have a starting weight. (Watch for the updates if I can ever figure out how to put a tracker widget into this blog--any thoughts?).

The scale showed an heart-wrenching weight...486 lbs. It's even hard for me to write that, but I know that coming to terms with it and being able to "verbalize" it is a big step in the process. So that's it, for all the world (or all 3 followers on this blog at least) to see. Four hundred eighty-six pounds is the starting weight.

As I was standing there an intimidating reality hit: if I were to regularly keep track of my weight loss I would need to repeat that process of the mail room scale at least once a week. UGH! A necessary "evil" but a very unpleasant (in terms of my fragile ego) one.

Item 1: Find a scale and get a starting weight.  Check. Mischief Managed. :)

The next thing that had to happen was a stress test. I have a family history of heart problems and due to some weird sensations going on in the northern hemisphere of my ample abdomen, the doctor (fabulous Dr. Ben Nordby, by the way!!) suggested I get a stress test. It sounded simple enough, I'd done one before (a rather amusing story if you want to hear it sometime) and so I was relatively familiar with the process. Or so I thought.

The wheels were set in motion. I left the Dr.'s office and almost immediately got a call from a lady at the hospital wanting to set up my test. But, first she needed my exact weight. Which led me back around to the first item on this list and spurred my zeal to find a scale. I weighed and reported back to her.  Then she told me that the test would only be covered about 80% so I'd still owe over $1000, something I don't have right at the moment due to some unforeseen circumstances.  After a long conversation that was another blow to the ego (it's hard to admit that you can't afford a medical procedure) and a conversation with the Dr, we determined that we'd push the stress test out a bit until I could round up the $$.

Item 2: Stress Test. Process started, stalled, and put on hold.

The third item I needed to take care of was to find some workout clothing. I have shorts and T-shirts and shoes. That's not the issue. The issue is my legs. Due to a number of medical issues with my legs over the past couple years, I am scarred, bandaged, wrapped, and braced. Certainly not anything I want to show off. I'm not a real vain person, but I have my limits. So I determined I needed to come up with some sweats that I could wear for workout.  I have some, but they don't fit well, they are extremely hot (they're that shiny nylon plastic-like material over a fleece-typed material) and they tend to slide downward if I'm not holding them up.  They could work in a pinch, but it would be a bit awkward.  I still am in the process of rounding up some sweats I can use for the gym, but I haven't purchased any yet.

Item 3: Workout clothes. Pending

Ok, that's pretty much it for today. Starting this journey is much harder than I thought it would be. I have gotten some nice comments from friends and family showing their support, but it's hard when I still feel so alone on this journey. Thanks for listening.

The Journey--Step 1

Ok. So the first step in this journey is a slightly embarrassing/humiliating one. I went to the Dr the other day and he wants me to do a stress test (based on my family history of heart disease). In order to do so I must know my exact weight. That's where the humiliation comes in. I have apparently let myself grow beyond the bounds of the largest home scale I can find. So they nurses told me I needed to go to a meat packing plant, a post office, or shipping store or somewhere with a large commercial scale (a la Biggest Loser weigh-in scale). I feel stupid walking into a post office and giving them the scenario. It boggles my mind that the hospital doesn't have one, but they claim there's only goes to the point of most of the top-end personal-use scales (around 430-450 lbs).
UGH! Now I need to find a way to suck it up and get weighed. The humiliation will be short-lived and at least I'll never have to enter that building again. If anyone has a lead on a good place to go for this scale, let me know.
BTW, I appreciate all the support I'm getting for this. But if you feel like judging me for my life's decisions that have gotten me to this point, keep it to yourself, please. I don't need people calling me fat, obese, HUGE, or anything else. I know where I am and while I"m not proud of it, I am working to change it. I may not ever be able to run a triathlon or ride a bike (my apologies to all my cyclist and runner friends and relatives). I've made my choices in life and now must live with the consequences. Nothing will be served by your telling me what I should or shouldn't have done differently. Let me move on from here. If you don't want to be FB friends with me, that's your choice. I am who I am, and I am not defined by the external appearance. Those who truly know me, know that I am a kind, loving, sensitive guy who is just doing his best to get through life.
Thanks for listening.

The Long and Arduous Journey...Explained


So here's the thing...
and this goes for everyone who plans to support me in this journey...
I don't do Fad Diets. What works for others has not worked for me. I go the plain old "eat right and exercise right" route. I may get ornery and nasty along the way, but I do appreciate the support. Sometimes all I need is a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, or some applause. Please be patient with me and do NOT take it personally if I don't use your ideas.
I have a lot of experience with various weight loss programs and the only one that has been successful for me is the one where I just do it with eating less (and more healthy), counting calories, and exercising. Please don't try to sell me on the wonders of chocolate, Acai berries, powdered chili/eggs/pancakes/etc, or juice/shakes. None of them fit my style.
I don't eat because I'm hungry, I eat because I feel like eating. Sometimes it's out of boredom, other times it's because of stress, and other times it's just plain force of habit. Getting me to "feel full" hasn't worked. I think that trigger is missing from my brain.
I can't spend money on this either, which is why I like to use the free gym at work and just modify my habits. Since most insurance companies in Utah are stupid, bariatric surgery of any kind is out of the question, too. (Gastric Bypass, Lap Band, etc). I need to do this spending as little extra $$ as possible. I have 6 kids, one of which is preparing to leave on a mission for two years, another of which is in his senior year of HS and will be heading off to college soon, so that's where most of my extra funds go.
I do appreciate everyone who wishes to join me on this journey. But I can tell you now, it's going to require some true (not fair-weather) friendship. I can be difficult, stubborn, lazy and overall a pain in the tuckus to work with. My schedule isn't always conducive to going to the gym at convenient times, and my health doesn't allow me to do all the Pilates, Tae Bo, P90X stuff. I just have to do basic cardio and basic weights.
Thank you all who dare to venture forth with me. Please be patient and know that I love and care for each of you no matter how I may act along the journey. Hopefully the end justifies the means.
Here we go.
--Adam

The Long and Arduous Journey

I'm starting a journey. Not to some exotic location or to a cool museum or anything, but a journey to a healthier me. I call it a journey because I know it is not a destination, but rather a long, and often difficult trip. There are lots of hills and valleys, twists and turns in the road ahead, and I may often be the sole traveler (at least within view) on that road. It is a journey I have to take, though. My kids are growing up. My health has taken a series of hits lately (nothing serious, but still scary) and I'm not getting any younger.

I need to lose some weight. For those that don't know me or haven't seen me in a while, I have become the highest category of Gabriel Iglesias's Fatness Scale...also known as "DAAAYUMMMM!!" :) It's time I got back in shape a bit.

I've done this before, but this time I'm doing something different. I'm creating this blog to help chronicle my struggles and my victories. I have often found that a lot of problems could be solved by just talking through things and the time I was most successful along the journey was when I was meeting regularly with a Diet Counselor. She mainly just provided a listening ear, occasional support and tips, and a comfortable place to sit and talk.

Hopefully, by making this small change to my weight loss efforts, I can see the changes I'm seeking.

It takes a TON of courage for me to do this. I tend to be someone who plays things "close to the vest". I am uncomfortable with sharing personal details. Perhaps, by forcing myself to open up a bit and allowing others a small glimpse into this part of my life, I can help myself (and maybe even someone else) to succeed where I have failed in the past.

I am sensitive, though I often mask that with humor. I notice every small stare from children in the store, park, mall, church, school or elsewhere. I like to joke to break the tension, but deep down, there's a part of me that hurts. So, if you would like to join me in this journey, please do so. You are welcome along any time.

Here are my stats (as best I know them right now...see a later post for more details): I am 6'7" (203 cm) tall. I weigh well over 450 lbs. I have Diabetes, Hypertension, High Cholesterol and peripheral Neuropathy. I have suffered a partial toe amputation, I have had Charcot foot twice and Cellulitis in my legs more times than I wish to count. But, ultimately my heart is as big as my body. I love all people and want to be loved by all.

Thanks for listening.

Thoughts on human nature

As I was in the gym today, riding my virtual 10 miles on the exercise bike, the guy on the stairmaster next to me got a call on his cell phone. As I listened to him, I began to ruminate on the quirks we, as humans, have and on the direction our societal interactions are heading. So these are my random thoughts on human nature today.

What a state the world is in when we're impatient with microwave ovens, computers and air travel. My ancestors were Mormon pioneers who walked for months across the same country that it now takes me a matter of hours to traverse in a plane. They cooked their oatmeal in a pot over a fire. The whole process for them took more than likely at least a good third of an hour or more. For me...maybe two minutes in a microwave. They corresponded with loved ones "across the pond" in England via handwritten letters that took several weeks to arrive. Now I can send the same message in a matter of seconds.

In spite of all our modern conveniences, we still complain about how long it takes our computer to boot up in the morning, or we tap our fingers waiting for the microwave to signal that our cocoa is finally hot, or we moan and gripe when our flight is delayed by half an hour or so.

What is it about human nature that makes us rush to be first? I'm driving down the freeway, a mile from my exit and I pull out, pass the car in front of me and get back in the right lane. Why? So I can be one car length ahead of where I started and thereby arrive one second earlier than that person? Chances are we're going to meet up, side by side, at the next red light anyway, so what did I really gain? Maybe an extra second or two of waiting at the light while he or she casually got just as far along the road as I did, but at a much more leisurely pace. (Unless, like me, that driver was stressing about the fact that now he was going to arrive one second later than I was, and so he spent the time trying to catch up to me while I tried to keep him behind.)

I see the same phenomenon in our children. When I was a teacher and I'd call the students to line up...inevitably there would be a mad dash to see who could be the first one at the door.

Maybe it has to do with our competitive natures and the fact that very few remember who came in second in most competitions. Or maybe it's our vanity getting the best of us: a thinking that being the first one in line also means that we are the most visible. I would often tell my students the story of my grandfather and the time he was first. Now granted, he was never one to rush to the front of a line, but on this day he happened to arrive at the stop light first. The light changed and he started through the intersection and got hit by a car coming the other way.

So, it's not always good to be first.

Just my wandering thoughts for today.

Here's my first attempt at a blog. Hope you enjoy it